10 Hilarious Jokes | 1/11/19

10 Hilarious Jokes

1.

Last night I dreamt of a beautiful walk on a sandy beach

At least that explains the footprints I found in the cat litter box this morning

2.

Doctor: I'm sorry, but you suffer from a terminal illness and only have 10 to live

Patient: 10 what? Months?! Years!? Weeks!?

Doctor: Nine

3.

I got another letter from this lawyer today that said "Final Notice."

Great that they've finally stopped bothering me.

4.

I dreamed that I was forced to eat a giant marshmallow.

When I woke up my pillow was gone.

5.

Two donkeys are standing at a roadside and one of them said "Shall we cross?"

The other one replied "No way, look at what happened to that zebra!"

6.

Guest: "Can I please have what the lady at that table is having?"

Waiter: "I'm sorry, but I think she wants to eat it herself"

7.

A husband and wife are sitting at a table eating dinner. The wife drops tomato sauce on her white top and says "Oh no, I look like a pig now"

The husband replies "And you spilt tomato sauce on your white top"

8.

On a mountain trip a man falls down into a crack. His wife calls after him, “Are you OK?”
“Yeah!”
“Are you hurt?”
“No!”
“Not a scratch? How come?!“
“I’m not done falling yet-et-et-et-et!”

9.

What is invisible and smells like worms?

A birds fart!

10.

Patient: Oh doctor, I'm starting to forget things!

Doctor: When did this condition start?

Patient: What condition?